Affection and love are certainly an important part of relationships, but for most of human history, the way people came into marriage and formed families was shaped more by power structures than affection. As we see Jesus’ words about divorce and marriage in this week’s gospel (where he was responding to a test by the Pharisees who were always trying to trip him up), we remember that the society of Jesus day was patriarchal and marriage was built around security and alliances rather than romance, yet Jesus is calling for a different way.
Women did not have standing on their own, but only in relation to a man (their father, their husband, their son). Jesus’ words have sometimes been mistakenly used to promote heterosexist bias, yet Jesus actually challenges the subjugation of women, describing equality in marriage. Jesus talks about the connection between partners within marriage, describing a depth of commitment that every couple may aspire to. Though often read as a prohibition of divorce, Jesus teaches that both partners have agency in a marriage commitment or marriage dissolution – a radical notion in a patriarchal society. Jesus is forever turning things upside down.
The passage ends with people bringing children to Jesus. Jesus welcomes the children (who were powerless, without rights, and among the most vulnerable in that society) and blesses them. Jesus says the kingdom of God belongs to the powerless ones, and that unless we receive the kingdom of God as they do, we will never be able to enter. It seems that God’s reign is not about our power, but how much we are able to receive from God’s generosity and grace. When we come to God in our vulnerability powerless ones have a special place in God’s reign, as God commits to care for them in the face of systems and structures that favor the powerful.
For generations, verses from this passage have led women (and sometimes men) to stay in harmful or abusive marriages, mistaking Jesus’ call to value relationship and bring a balance of power for a prohibition of divorce. For generations, Jesus’ beautiful words about commitment within marriage have been misunderstood and misused to promote a heterosexist worldview in God’s name. As Jesus welcomes and blesses children, his broader point becomes clear – the importance of caring for those who are most vulnerable, ensuring they are not used or abused in the context of family relationships. We realize that the vulnerable and powerless are not just welcome in God’s reign, but are truly important in the kingdom of God.
Peace,